Seven ways to boost your workplace confidence

It's a skill that Virgin boss Richard Branson manages with ease -- or unease if his media interviews are anything to go by. One of the world's most charismatic business leaders appears anything but confident during serious interviews, yet poll after poll of business leaders consistently ranks him the most admired CEO.Branson may not project confidence in the conventional sense of the word but his ability to engage and influence people, and to empathise with them in times of crisis, is one that many business leaders looking to boost their own confidence levels, aspire to.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, it could be that the brash, no nonsense style of Sir Alan Sugar is more appropriate for rallying the troops and appearing supremely confident during a recession, but not everyone is convinced.

Top business coach Alan Leigh, director of Maynard Leigh Associates, says: "He actually lacks confidence, which is underlined by the rude and aggressive behaviour he falls back on to disguise that fact."

Other high profile business bosses have their own trademark methods of demonstrating confidence and winning trust in their leadership skills, from a quietly assertive Terry Leahy, the unapologetic Michael O'Leary, and an ebullient Phillip Green.

Honed by years of experience their behaviours and public personas are as much part of their brand as their company logo. While other business leaders and senior executives can never truly emulate them, there is chemistry to confident communication and it can be learned.


Here I offer tips on how any business exec can boost their assurance and poise.

Pay attention

Self confidence can be crippled by overt self consciousness, so take yourself out of the limelight. Give other people your full attention, in the process detracting attention from yourself, and confidence levels will start to rise.

Former US president Bill Clinton is a master of attentiveness, renowned for his ability to make people feel as if he has flown across the Atlantic just to see them, and a clear demonstration of the power of turning your attention to other people as a way of boosting your confidence.

Show interdependence

Projecting confidence is not a solo pursuit; it is a team game with a two-way movement of information and communication. Being sure of yourself and what you want to say will make you feel confident that your listeners will glean what they need from it.

Build rapport

Establishing an emotional bond or a rapport with another person is another eminently learnable skill. At the heart of rapport is respect for the other person, conveyed by listening more than talking and showing genuine interest in them. With a good rapport, confidence levels will climb.

Be yourself

People see through forced behaviours, so trying to emulate someone else's confident style could backfire. The real you is the kind of person you are at home, which may not translate well to the workplace.

Formal presentation and media training courses can help, as professional trainers will spot and immediately discourage any attempts at forced or false behaviour, and eventually your own personal style will look and feel natural and comfortable.

Know your stuff

Don't try to be all things to all people. Identify what it is that people actually need from you and focus on communicating that.

Dr Rob Yeung, a business psychologist with leadership consultancy Talentspace, says it is impossible to overemphasise the importance of knowing your message.

"It is simply about preparation and rehearsal and being clear in your mind what you are going to say, you will project confidence naturally," he says.

Choose your platform

Some people were made for public speaking, others are terrible at it. But if you are a senior executive with responsibility for communicating with fellow corporate peers, staff and customers, it is unavoidable.

With formal training you can acquire the skills you need to address people confidently but if the prospect of the big stage alarms you, choose a smaller platform. Spend time in different areas of the workplace speaking to people in small groups, where you can look and feel less daunted and more confident.

Believe in yourself

Mae West famously said "If you don't think you are wonderful, why should anyone else?" That applies to business leaders, to a degree. If you want people to feel confident in you, you have to believe that they have reason to.

In researching her book Fast Track to the Top leading psychologist and business coach Ros Taylor interviewed 80 of the top CEOs on the secrets of their success, including Channel Five chief executive Dawn Airey, whose response 'I'm just bloody good' was neither arrogant nor artificial.

"She just believed in herself. At the same time, a confident business leader should be able to demonstrate humility when it is needed. Contrary to what you might think, it is not a sign of weakness but rather reinforces a sense of authenticity; being yourself," says Taylor.

It seems that confidence is not something you have but something that other people see in you. And as Richard Branson already knows, the real key to projecting confidence as a leader is not making yourself more confident but making everyone else believe that you are.

How to build a healthy lifestyle It is not what you think, it is how you think

Diet - lets face it with out this you probably will not be as successful loosing weight as you would like. You can exercise all you want but if you go to fast food drive thrus all the time or eat the morning donuts you probably wont have much success. Lets talk about the fat first. You can do the low carb diets that actually say you should eat fatty foods and cut out the carbs and this does help you loose weight fast. The problem with these types of diets are that once you go off the diet and start eating normal again the weight starts coming back two fold, been there done that. Then there are the only carb diets which actually are pretty good for your heart. You find that your body starts missing the protein that it used to get from meat and you start getting tired. The next diet you can try is being a vegetarian which is a very good diet and you will loose weight but you must replace your protein and make sure you get enough vitamins and don’t short your self any nutrients. You know the best way to diet really is to watch your calories and fat intake. If you eat smaller portions at more times through out the day would be the best for you allowing your body to burn each and every meal you eat rather then storing it for later or turning it to fat. It is hard to keep track of all this but once you start doing it you will find it gets easier and easier. Lets face it losing weight and keeping it off is a life changing job that you have to work at and you will see great results if you add our next subject we will talk about.


Exercise - This is the hardest to keep faithful to. It is the hardest to start and the hardest to do when you just don’t want to do it. When you first start exercising you will be sore in the days following but you need to work through it and pretty soon it will not hurt anymore. First start a walking program 1 to 2 miles a day or 20 to 30 minutes a day. Do what you can handle maybe it is more than that. Then get yourself some 1 to 5 pound dumbbells and start doing regular exercise routines which we won’t go in to detail now but you can look up any routine on the internet and pick one that you think will work for you. You can loose weight with out exercising but that doesn’t mean that you are living healthy. Exercising helps your muscles be loose and tone. Sweating helps get rid of the toxins in your body that could cause cancers. Exercising also helps your heart, the most important muscle in your body, exercising helps keep your blood vessels open and clear. As you get older, if you do not exercise in some way your body starts to deteriorate faster. You can’t stop the aging but you will feel better and will be able to do the things you like. To keep up with both dieting and exercising you have to take control of the one thing that will make you quit both if you don’t master this next topic.

Your will - If you can control this you will be successful. Your will is what tells you that you don’t feel like doing this today or this candy bar won’t hurt me today. Then before you know it your week is filled with not exercising and as many candy bars and fast food as you can eat. To take control of your will you have to find ways to keep you focused like posting positive notes around your house or work. There is many different ways to keep your will focused. Once you train your mind to get rid of all the negativity that stops you from exercising and dieting the easier you find it is to change to a healthier lifestyle. Try posting pictures of you when you started your program that you choose. Then start posting pictures of yourself after you have been on your program for a month or two. The whole idea here is to keep everything positive and get rid of all the negative. When you start seeing all the results it will be easy to do all three steps to a healthy lifestyle.

WORDS THAT MEAN EVERYTHING AT HOME

I consider the little things we say to each other at home more seriously than the so great ones. The “Thank you",” I am sorry “, “I love you “, “You are the best and “Please“are the words I'm talking about here

Quarrels' and great troubles at home are often caused by the omission of these words If you would just look at those words closely again, you will discover that they are not just words that comes empty but words that shows what you feel in your heart towards the other person. Like respect, love and appreciations.

 Words are the basis of all relationships. Learning to use the right words at home will save you tones of explanation tomorrow. Most people rarely stop to think about what we are saying. Our right opinions, judgment and beliefs roll off our temper, what out caring for the damage or the benefits they can provide? If you want to have a blissful relationship at home, then learn to speak with impeccability. To speak with impeccability is to speak words that are true, that benefit and that affirms other people's worth. When you speak with impeccability it means your words have power not only with you but with others. Words create impressions and expectation.

I discovered that those of us in the places of position at homes are often the culprit in this case. We sometimes receive things done for us without showing any appreciation or we just demand for things for us without showing any courtesy. To get those so great things we desire from either our children, spouse and even our house keepers, we will need to learn how to use more of those little but great words.

CHANGE YOUR BODY IMAGE

It is rewarding to find someone you like but very essential to like yourself. It is also wonderful to recognize someone so good and decent but indispensable to view yourself as acceptable.

You can't find yourself in another person neither can someone else give you life. Can you live in someone else? Please make sure you answer that question before proceeding. I will be glad to know that your answer will be "No". Because, of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. Why am I going through all of these? It is because that's how your regard yourself has everything to do with yourself image.

Self image is the mental picture of how you believe you appear to occur, how you picture your physical self, how you believe others see you physically, it is also your idea (positive or negative, rational or irrational) of how you present yourself to others and how you are subsequently judged by them.

An accumulation of all of your character, personality, Skills, abilities, and other attributes are script you have been given throughout your life.

Factors such as-

- Your personhood 

-accomplishment in athletics or academic

- Shape of your body

- Physical appearance

- Social skills

- Relationship with family, peer group and siblings

- Background and environment from which you came.

- Job and job tittles need.

- Societal status

- Goals, ambitions and aspirations for the future.

All of these factors help in creating your self - image.

Maybe at this point you are beginning to think like my friend whom didn't allow me to finish this writing in time because of her endless question on discovering I was writing on this subject. Amongst all her ending questions, this one I said I must answer in here. She said "so what about what body image is; but how does it affect me? Hmm! I will tell you see.

It is from self - image that you set goals for yourself. For example, if your self - image is too high or unrealistic, you set goals that are often unreasonable or too perfectionist and if its too low you always find yourself setting goals that are too easily reached, never attaining overall satisfaction. It is from your self - image that you develop scripts as to how you believe you should act to fit that image and develop expectations for how you are to act and react.

I deliberately move from body image to self - image, this is because body image is part of self - image. Body image is simple, the way people see their bodies in their minds. Body image has a great impact on self image because:-

- Physical appearance is the first quality by which people are judged.

- Our society is very physical appearance e.g. where being thin is the in thing.

- Physical appearance is the external presentation people make to other.

- If you feel attractive you will act accordingly. The reverse is true if you feel unattractive.

- Your self - image is affected by the way others react to your physical appearance.

 To change your self - image; you will have to learn to accept your body image .the following will help you begin to look at your body differently.

- Begin looking in the mirror frequently.

- Stay around people who are appreciative.

- Learn to accept compliments about your looks and don't think they are just trying to make you feel good. That is who you are.

- Treat self to new hairstyle

- Try wearing clothes with colors you were once afraid of wearing.

- Improve your social skills and try to socialize.

- Treat self to places you thought were made for some group of perfect people.

- Work with your clothe designer to find styles that will fit your body shape perfectly.

- Attain to those parts of your body that you thought where beautiful.

 Remember, you are unique. I can't wear your own skin and be comfortable. Celebrate your uniqueness because that is another name for progress.

EVALUATE YOUR BODY IMAGE.

Put an X next to those statements that best describe how you think.

- I dislike myself in mirror.

- I dress in a way to hide my body.

- I feel conscious over my height and how it affects my looks.

- I am self - conscious about my body in the present of the opposite sex.

- I am intimidated by people who have great bodies and I believe the look better than me.

 If you X three or more items, your body image needs to be strengthen because it is negative...

Written by Amina Habu

aminihabu@yahoo.com

Women and Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is a human condition. Although a topic of so much discussion and material, many continue to struggle with this area of our lives. Here's how you can develop a well-balanced sense of self-esteem.

There's a revolution going on. "It's a revolution within", so says author Gloria Steinem. In fact, that is the title of her bestseller, Revolution From Within: A Search for Self-Esteem. In her preface she writes "The more I talked to men as well as women, the more it seemed that inner feelings of incompleteness, emptiness, self-doubt and self-hatred were the same, no matter who experienced them, and even if they were expressed in culturally opposite ways.

As I have visited and worked in various parts of the world, I've found the same thing to be true. The area of self-esteem is increasingly being explored and many solutions are found wanting. Even though this subject elicits interest and results in an abundance of discussion and material, many of us continue to struggle with this area of our lives. I have heard it said "There are five billion people in the world. There are five billion people who struggle with self-esteem." It is a human condition. Let's examine what self-esteem is and look at various ways we attempt to gain it.

What is self esteem?

It is possible to have proper self-esteem as we are rightly related to our creator, God. We were created with these deep needs for personal security and significance and God designed a way to meet those needs when we are rightly related to Him.

How do we obtain proper self-esteem?

Taking an honest look at yourself is often the best way to evaluate where you are and where you want to go.

How do we maintain a well-based sense of self-esteem?

We need a way of handling the little day-to-day setbacks in our sense of security and significance. It all starts with our thinking. We have to retrain ourselves to think of what is true about me.

What is self esteem?

The most basic need all of us have is to have a sense of personal worth. This sense of personal worth has two elements: security and significance. Security means being loved and accepted just for who I am, regardless of what I do. This is what Gloria Steinem calls "core" self-esteem, and psychologists refer to as "global" self-esteem, being loved and accepted.

Significance means having meaning or purpose in my life, being adequate for what I do. Ms. Steinem refers to this as situational self-esteem. It's knowing that we are good at what we do. The problem is that we develop a series of false assumptions of what we think will meet our needs for security and significance. We usually learn these assumptions in childhood. If we don't experience unconditional love and acceptance as a child, we will experience pressure to have those needs met elsewhere. And if we aren't given a sense of competency and significance in childhood, we will also experience pressure to meet that need elsewhere.

The proper formation of security in childhood--this "intrinsical value"--can be affected by many things, and abuse at many levels is a growing problem. Living with constant ridicule, contempt and negativity can affect a child's security into adulthood. Perhaps you've overheard a parent criticizing a child. It's not just the words that are used, but also the tone of voice that can deeply affect the child.

A child hearing this continually internalizes the words and tone, and they can become part of her view of herself. The tape in her mind plays the messages back as significant information learned from her parents. Some parents put enormous pressure on their children to perform. Children in these situations often grow up to be overachievers with the voice of their parents' disapproval ringing in their ears. The child within is now inhabiting an adult body. What assumptions, as adult women in the '90s, do we hold on to?

As I mentioned, these basic assumptions are often begun as a child and are heavily influenced by our peer group. We can all develop wrong and false assumptions about how to have our needs met. The reason they are called false assumptions is because they do not give us unconditional love, acceptance, and firm significance in life. They give us a temporary sense of self-esteem.

Are any of the following false assumptions operating in your belief system?

I will be secure if:

• I am in a loving relationship
• I am never criticized
• I am not rejected as a person

How about your need for significance?

I will be significant if:

• I excel at school
• I excel when my projects are promoted
• When I have financial success
• When I am granted recognition by my peer group

Now, we as women all want to have these needs met and we will expend considerable energy to meet them. When we pour our energy into meeting our needs through pursuing false assumptions of what will meet those needs, we can be devastated when those assumptions don't lead to lasting security and significance. What will happen is that we will feel pressed to pour energy in other directions based on another false assumption of what will meet our needs for security and significance.

By the time I'd reached my teenage years I was aware of deep feelings of insecurity and insignificance. I remember clearly believing the false assumption that if I was a likeable person, I'd have meaningful personal relationships and I'd feel secure. I remember working on my personality, altering what I said and did to please certain people. Of course the problem with this approach is you have to keep changing your approach to suit different people. During these years, as I was pursuing a degree to teach, I was financing part of my university expenses by teaching and performing classical dance in Toronto, Ontario. In my amateur years I'd won many competitions. Later I begun to teach out of province, as well as at the University of Toronto. Teaching and especially performing was very exciting and gratifying for me. I experienced strong feelings of significance by winning auditions, being involved in shows, and receiving praise and admiration when my work was well done. The pay cheques were nice too. I had found something I loved doing. I apparently had talent and drive to do, and something that gave me rewards of significance and financial independence.

The significance, however, was not lasting. I remember thinking about it during moments alone, after a successful show, after the reviews, and the cast parties. I was left with an emptiness, wondering "is this all there is to life? Why am I not more fulfilled?" There was a definite vacuum in my life that I couldn't put my finger on.

What I have learned is this: seeking permanent security from imperfect people doesn't work. We're too concerned for our own needs of security to be truly selfless in helping another. And what I think will give me security is not always what the other person can give me. Seeking permanent significance from our accomplishments doesn't have any lasting value, and we're left trying to accomplish more.

How do we obtain proper self-esteem?

It is possible to have proper self-esteem as we're rightly related to our creator, God. We were created with these deep needs for personal security and significance, and God designed the way to meet these needs.

God is the only One who knows me totally, and loves me totally. I never have to fear he'll learn something about me that's so bad that he'll reject me. God says "I have loved you with an everlasting love" I don't have to worry about what makes me acceptable in a relationship with God, the way I do in human relationships. God has seen me at my worst, and still loves me. That is a kind of security that no human relationship can afford me. We will never risk facing rejection from God. God knows us totally and loves us totally. And we don't need to fear God's rejection if we fail at an endeavour. In fact, that is one of the reasons that God sent the person of Christ in the first place – to pay for the imperfection, the self-centredness that causes distance between us and Him. So, the primary solution to this question of how we achieve a proper sense of self-esteem is to establish relationship with our creator, God.

How do we maintain a well-based sense of self-esteem?

If you're like me, you can experience little setbacks in your sense of security and significance. We need a way of handling those setbacks. It all starts with our thinking. The way we think largely determines the way we behave, and that's why exercises that deal only with behaviour bring short-term results. We have to change our thinking, and that will influence our behaviour. I've based my self-worth on how I think I'm performing. This doesn't mean that I shouldn't work up to my highest standard, but it does mean I shouldn't base my significance on that one thing.

So, how do I correct my train of thought? I have to retrain myself to think what is true about me. I'm going to remember that I am a significant person to God, and even if my job performance was off the mark today, God still loves me unconditionally. He can even help me learn from this. Although the examples change, the principles remain the same. God never changes. His love for us remains the same. This isn't just positive thinking or a "band-aid" solution. This is right thinking; it's a foundational solution.

So, we need to ensure that our relationship with God is intact, and then we need to pursue right thinking. One way is with further study. I always like to recommend two excellent studies related to this subject.

One is a set of individual topics called The Transferrable Concepts, by Campus Crusade for Christ. They are extremely practical and very user-friendly. The other study is Behold Your God by Myrna Alexander. It is a very practical book directed to help women deal with daily situations in light of God's character and help in their lives.

I had spent many years trying to fill that vacuum with many created things that didn't ultimately meet my needs for security and significance. But I recall the night I opened the door of my heart to God – I said a simple prayer asking Him to come into my life. (Check out Journey of Joy if you would like God to fill the vacum in your heart.)

As women, we will continue to make great strides in our professional lives, but we make a fundamental error if we think that our relationships and accomplishments can ultimately meet our deepest needs for security and significance. Only our Creator can do that. He longs to do that in each of our lives. The choice to allow Him to do this is ours.

You can have the peace that you are looking for; there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.

Self Esteem - The Problem Behind All Problems

Self esteem is THE major challenge of our era. It lies at the heart of many of the diverse issues and challenges we face in life. 

In fact, it is precisely because low self esteem does not seem to be the problem, that it is so very insidious. Many people who suffer from low self esteem attribute their life challenges to wholly different causes. It does not even occur to them to relate their problems to how they regard themselves at the deepest level. Instead, they blame their problems on a mean boss, racial or sexual prejudice, a talent for choosing abusive love partners and so on. 

In this way, the problem is externalized. However, doing this merely moves a person further away from the real problem, and consequently from the solution. Thus by disguising itself as some other more immediately visible issue, low self esteem is never tackled and overcome. It remains to rear its ugly head again. 

Whatever challenge you face, you can rest assured that someone else has had it even worse, and yet gone on to triumph. If so, what prevents you back from doing the same? The answer must inevitably be - yourself. YOU are the primary force shaping you life. If others faced similar external challenges and triumphed, then external circumstances are NOT the primary determiners of your life. Your attitude of mind is. 

How Low Self Esteem Arises 

People with NO apparent self esteem problems may still be susceptible at a subtle level. For example, failing to shoot for your dreams when you were young, and settling for a safe route to an unchallenging existence, can damage how well you regard yourself. In later life, it could manifest in short temper, cynicism when others DO try to better themselves, and even physical illness. However, it seems hard to pinpoint the exact problem. 

At the heart of compromises such as these is the fact that you did not believe in yourself sufficiently. In other words, self esteem issues, often inherited from your parents, appeared at this early stage. 

There are many causes of low self esteem. We gain our predominant world-view by the age of five. In other words, whether you consider the world to be a safe or dangerous place, and whether you will react to events in a primarily positive or negative manner, is determined by this age. Parents are the prime shapers of our young psyches at this time. However, schools, society, and our peers also play an important role. Our later experiences in life merely reinforce the core impressions we gained at this very early age. 

As the role of parents is so vital, they need to be FAR more conscious of the consequences for their child of EVERYTHING they do, say, or even think. Moreover, this care must begin whilst the child is still in the womb! Parents are too often far too casual about how they bring up their children. They unconsciously pass on their own limitations to them as a result. 

Facing The Challenge Of Ourselves 

What can you do to improve your self esteem? The first thing is to understand the difference between self-esteemand self-image. Self-image forms as a result of comparisons you make between yourself and those around you. It is the judgement you make of yourself - the image you have of yourself. Sadly, it is often negative as you can usually find someone better than you at almost everything. Self-image in turn affects self-esteem. An easy way to understand this difference is to look at young children. They have perfect self-esteem BECAUSE they have no self-image. They are not continually judging themselves against externals and falling short. 

The key is NOT to work upon self-image. This is what many people try to do. However, working on self-esteem is the heart of creating radical change. When you work from the inside out, how you feel about yourself in comparison with externals must eventually improve as well. 

The key to improving your self-esteem is to take conscious control of your self-talk. Negative self-talk is the prime cause for creating and maintaining negative self esteem. The things you say to yourself in your mind, as well as the meaning you attribute to events in your life, combine to create the reality you end up live. Most people's self-talk is roughly 95% negative. They see the worst in themselves and in everything that happens. Putting a stop to such self-destructive thinking is vital. It is our thoughts and expectations that shape and produce what we become. The quality of our lives is a direct result of them. 

One excellent way to combat and overcome negative self-talk is through using positive affirmations. The principle behind them is that the brain cannot entertain two contradictory notions at the same time. Eventually one of the two contradictory notions must win out and cause the other to collapse completely. The belief that finally wins out is the one that you invest with the most emotional energy and constancy of thought. 

Affirmations such as: 

"I like myself" 
"I am a positive person and I create a positive life" 
"I am a wonderful person of immense value who deserves to be loved" 

and others like these will do absolute wonders. Note how all good affirmations are framed in the positive. Never frame an affirmation in the negative, e.g. "I am NOT a negative person". The subconscious literally cannot see the word "not" and will therefore interpret and act upon the affirmation as if you said "I AM a negative person"! 

Create a series of affirmations like this and resolve to use them throughout the day. You can write one or more of them out ten, twenty or more times a day. You should also take every opportunity to say them out loud to yourself. Always do so with enthusiasm and gusto; really feeling the positive emotions surging through your body. This is the true key to making affirmations work in improving self esteem. Putting all your emotional energy behind them gives the affirmations the power to destroy negative self-talk and low self esteem. 

An extremely powerful way to use affirmations is to record yourself speaking them quietly onto a tape, perhaps with some soothing background music that you like. Then you can play this tape quietly in the background at every opportunity. You have effectively created your own subliminal tape! Try playing this to yourself when you sleep at night, using an auto-reverse walkman. The results in your life will be truly tremendous. 

Recognition Of The Problem Is Halfway To The Solution 

There are many effective ways to remedy low self esteem. However, the key to success in life is to recognize the existence of the problem in the first place! Therefore, consider where self esteem issues may be lurking in your life, but manifesting as apparently external problems. The key attitude for success in life is to take total responsibility for what happens to us. We must work upon ourselves continually in order to manifest what we want. Creating high self esteem is one of the best things you can ever do to totally transform every aspect of your life. 

Source: Asoka Selvarajah.